trying to define mental anguish. I can only say there’s an invisible war zone in your own head and the smallest things are threatening and the smallest things trigger irrational anxiety. When in this zone it’s so strange to look about you and see people behaving so normally and relaxed and this is how the… Continue reading When your mind is a war zone
All my life, yes actually (I have to double check that) but really, most of my life I’ve seesawed between feeling fine and feeling sodden. Sodden with a kind of all consuming sadness that is. For example, one day in my present life I can be cycling along taking in sight, sound and humanity… Continue reading The Blues
I’m still damn blue. No amount of omega 3 oil, vitamin c, or any of it seems to be removing my nature of cyclothymic sadness. I've been tracking days to see a pattern and it’s pretty much three weeks of melancholic misery followed by one week of feeling pretty good and forgetting about life, death,… Continue reading At the Crossroads
I've read a few blogs about blogging and how good it is to blog and things like that. I wanted to blog because I sometimes really need to write and I sometimes really like to. It's a nice way to see your words and ideas formatted on a tidy page and if anyone reads it… Continue reading Transience of words: in blog writing
It is a rare occasion that I am alone and able to relish the delights of it. Motherhood is an odd one. It can come into your life when you are perhaps quite young; I was a pregnant 19 year old and gave birth a few weeks after my 20th birthday. Whatever age, it's all… Continue reading Motherhood and the need to be Alone
Twelfth Night, Shakespeare. I've noticed the thoughts creeping back in; like unwelcome guests, they sidle at the edge of the pool of my mind. Failing that, they plunge straight into the internal conversation which unwittingly occurs, and spread ripples far and wide. But, just as I find myself becoming more expert at catching these negative… Continue reading obsessin’ about deathin’: sweet honourable death.
I sometimes wonder why I'm dragged from pillar to post by what seems a constant flux of feelings, events, actions and interactions with others. A cycle of events that can start so promisingly, in what seem to be calm and mindful conditions and awareness (waking up in the morning on a 'good day'...) can so… Continue reading Feelings, nothing more than feelings?