On the last occasion I smuggled popcorn into the cinema it was my daughters birthday and we were going to see Black Panther. It was so good. Being a woman of slender means I decided to buy a few bags of £1 popcorn and a few bottles of cheap pop to save on the… Continue reading Sneaking popcorn into the cinema
trying to define mental anguish. I can only say there’s an invisible war zone in your own head and the smallest things are threatening and the smallest things trigger irrational anxiety. When in this zone it’s so strange to look about you and see people behaving so normally and relaxed and this is how the… Continue reading When your mind is a war zone
All my life, yes actually (I have to double check that) but really, most of my life I’ve seesawed between feeling fine and feeling sodden. Sodden with a kind of all consuming sadness that is. For example, one day in my present life I can be cycling along taking in sight, sound and humanity… Continue reading The Blues
I’m still damn blue. No amount of omega 3 oil, vitamin c, or any of it seems to be removing my nature of cyclothymic sadness. I've been tracking days to see a pattern and it’s pretty much three weeks of melancholic misery followed by one week of feeling pretty good and forgetting about life, death,… Continue reading At the Crossroads
Twelfth Night, Shakespeare. I've noticed the thoughts creeping back in; like unwelcome guests, they sidle at the edge of the pool of my mind. Failing that, they plunge straight into the internal conversation which unwittingly occurs, and spread ripples far and wide. But, just as I find myself becoming more expert at catching these negative… Continue reading obsessin’ about deathin’: sweet honourable death.
Freefalling again. About 14 months ago I decided to stop taking anti depressants, just like that. And I did. This stint of about eight to nine years on this particular anti depressant (10mg-max 40mg year to year), had been preceded by a period of about five years off any medication and previous to that, about… Continue reading Not Sure Yet: Learning and Unlearning