I for one am at a massive crossroads in my life. Or at least that is how it feels. I recognise in the grand scheme my crossroads is peculiar to me and fairly insignificant, but in my own journey it’s massive.
And as I sit here not quite knowing which way to turn and actually, what the hell I should do next, it’s as if ones life flashes before ones eyes. And the self can recriminate and resent and hurl fury at how things have been but eventually, one must accept (who am I the queen? :D) that the road you have travelled is the road you have travelled and nothing can really change what has been. Perhaps all that can change is how you view the furrow you have ploughed and a massive helping of self acceptance and possibly forgiveness if you think you’ve furrowed wrong.
I know that I have constantly tried to justify to myself and others why things are as they are in an attempt to ameliorate the sense of disappointment and sometimes even regret in the patterns of my life, but as I emerge from what feels like an eternity of despair, I recognise that you are where you are when you are and the sooner you can accept that, the better.
Sometimes all we need is a little patience and self love and a sense of perspective. Unfortunately perhaps, sometimes it’s only Time that can provide the perspective we need, like that old adage ‘You can’t see the wood for the trees’ …sometimes things can be as clear as mud when you are in the thick of them.
It can be that it feels like significant others put pressure on you to be somewhere different and if you are feeling despairing at your particular place on your unique journey, this pressure, perceived or otherwise, can be very damaging. Sometimes it can feel like, frankly, people kick you when you’re down… maybe they do, maybe they don’t. Fact is, they or the perceived they, need to become irrelevant to us, to you, on your journey. Drop the withered unsupportive grapes if they chide and hurt when we are lost and searching. Seek out inner strength and peace without negative vibrations, seek out supporters. In times of transition what we really need are patient and caring people around us reminding us that we will get through this and we will find our feet if the floor has become liquid and we will heal.
Sometimes it’s not as simple as that. We may go akimbo at times of deep grief or stress or any kind of intense pressure…child rearing, financial, emotional …whatever, and some close relationships may not survive if there is not a well deep enough to let it go and move on as things ‘were’.
For me it’s that hard step. Wondering what can be salvaged from what feels like an incredibly rocky prolonged time. Wondering if it’s right to persist on moving on and accepting the end of certain relationships or whether it’s better to patch up the cracks and carry on with a new awareness.
You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result (Ghandi).
Only Time will tell. But to return to the beginning, in the grand scheme of life, try to remember ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ and wherever you are on your journey it will make sense eventually and when it gets extra hard please keep your strength and keep the faith. It Will get better. ‘The darkest hour is just before dawn’!
Check out Lukerenouf.com for some incredible battle of the soul (one interpretation) illustrations.