When your mind is a war zone

trying to define mental anguish. I can only say there’s an invisible war zone in your own head and the smallest things are threatening and the smallest things trigger irrational anxiety.

When in this zone it’s so strange to look about you and see people behaving so normally and relaxed and this is how the sane part of you, however remote, knows that there is something horribly wrong.

being a victim of head war zone attack is scary because you hope if you can put up enough sandbags it will go away and you will feel normal again but often when the zone hits, at least for me, it’s partnered with a return of the inner critic who is very quick to berate and bully and condemn especially if you’ve acted in reaction to your mental war zone- like letting someone down or not making a social thing

From experience it’s a very lonely place because it genuinely feels like you are helplessly drowning. For me, having children, there’s a huge effort to maintain an act of being normal and what ensues is a sort of panicked normal.

And again, it’s lonely. You can’t reach out to many because most don’t connect well with a nervous, anxious, needy adult. And the aloof cool adult that hides the petrified one behind it, isn’t that good at connecting with people either.

short and sweet.

this is one form

of therapy

to just say

there’a a war in my head

even though I may look normal

and that it’s quite terrifying

inside here.

small mercy is

perhaps I can

recognise that small wars

may be happening all

around me

inside other skulls.

give me strength to move

through mine

and I pray you get through

yours

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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