I’m still damn blue. No amount of omega 3 oil, vitamin c, or any of it seems to be removing my nature of cyclothymic sadness.
I’ve been tracking days to see a pattern and it’s pretty much three weeks of melancholic misery followed by one week of feeling pretty good and forgetting about life, death, the future, the past and everything.
I’ve tried to blog about five times since my last one, but each time I procrastinate with posting it telling myself it’s not finished, or not good enough or too revealing and actually uninteresting blah.
Then I end up posting an impulsive blog randomly like this one.
I sometimes have the sense that I’m at an eternal crossroad and despite hoping and praying for change and direction I just stay there.
So I wrote a poem/song lyrics which are here and it’s all I can say on the matter.
Hope some soul somewhere knows what I mean. (It’s got a kind of rolling country style tune Johnny cash style)
At the Crossroads
Forever at the crossroads, I’ve prayed here before
The green man on the corner, No signs at any door
Every way is dusty and there’s no view in sight
So I hang on at the cross roads, As day turns into night
Another year it passes, And I’m still waiting here
scorched by burning sun some days, My skin all turned to leather
I’ve braved the coldest winters And lain out in the storms
But I’m still at the crossroads .
Yes I’m still at the cross roads
Oh I’m still at the cross roads
I think I’m staying here.
Sometimes I’ve dreamed I’m walking, I’ve found a way to go
But then I wake up cold and sad cause nothing near me’s new
The place that I was dreaming of is just old hopes and dreams
And I’m still at the cross roads
Yes I’m still at the cross roads
Oh I’m still at the cross roads and I think I’m staying here
I thought that I’d be answered, If I called your name out loud
All the people passing by but Never saw you in the crowd
And I’m still here a waiting, Waiting for a sign
But the sky’s still blue, And the sun still shines, And the bad old thoughts malign
So I’m still at the crossroads
Yes I’m still at the cross roads
Oh I’m still at the crossroads
And I think I’m staying here.
Another year it passes, And I’m still waiting here
scorched by burning sun some days, my throat so full of tears
I’ve braved the coldest winters And lain out in the storms
I’m still at the crossroads
Yes I’m still at the cross roads
Oh I’m still at the crossroads
And I think I’m staying here
I met you at the crossroads,You whispered in my ear
You promised you’d come back for me you told me not to fear
But as I’ve gotten older the crossroads they have changed
And everything is different , And I fear I’m just the same
New song in progress copyright Alice Renouf 😊
